May 14 2012

Six Hours

Today, my maid ran away.

She couldn’t have picked a better day to pull off this shit. If it was premeditated, she’s really cunning.

Cunning in a sense that it was one of those days any more bullshit will really damage you.

Hamstring injury recurred during field football today. I guess being able to run does not equate to being able to kick a ball. After a couple of defense splitting passes, I realised the old injury never left. But what was I to do? We had not enough substitutes. Played through pain as usual.

Well fine, injuries heal.

At around 2100 hours I reached home and was writing some really long emotional bit on my Mother’s Day card. Intended to go down a level and get my brother and father to write on it too but instead found out that the maid had ran away. Father and brother was out in the vicinity to look for her.

Come 2130 hours, they were back and mother was very upset. Broke my heart especially since it was Mother’s Day. Went to shower and think of my game-plan.

Realised that she left all her things at home. It was supposed to be a short and naughty sneak out of the house but she got caught. She had to come back.

2200 hours. D-Day for my club, Manchester United. Went to the first level as she had the keys to our back door and found a spot where my presence would not be detected by anyone outside my house. Lights and any noise were eliminated. Found it hard to focus on watching the match, since it was almost a done deal pre-match.

2345 hours. Manchester City scored two goals in stoppage time to seal the title. Heartbreak. Reality took around 15 minutes to sink in. That was the best moment for the maid to get in and out without me knowing.

2350 hours. Facebook/Twitter swearing starts.

0000-ish to 0300-ish hours. Time was spent accepting reality, staying focused and not using the golf club I had to protect myself in the worst case scenario where the maid brings a group of hoodlums to rob our house or kill us to smash everything in sight. Call me paranoid. But I don’t take chances on my family’s safety.

0300 hours. Hear the back door opening. Sneaked through the kitchen and to her room. She never saw me coming. Got the keys and we’re safe for now.

0305 hours. Whisky time. I deserve it.

In a nutshell, don’t fuck around with my family’s safety. I’m a loose cannon and a reckless person, but as long as I’m alive I’ll protect them with my life. I will maintain sobriety no matter how much I should not have had to. On any other ordinary night, I’d be knocked out by now, given United’s loss and the hamstring.

Don’t fuck with us Singaporeans. You foreign talents shite may scorn and mock our National Service, but it instills in us values that you will never understand. How fucked up this country is, I’ll still defend it till I die.

And don’t fuck with a sober me. I will think of all outcomes and scenarios and get you in the most logical way. Just ask the UK guy whose life I fucked up when he tried to cheat me. I hope he enjoys the pizzas I’ve ordered for him, the estrangement from his family and the fake lawyer letters. I’m born evil. I just control it very well until you bring it out in me.

Sorry for sounding arrogant and angsty. But no one upsets my mother on Mother’s Day. No one.

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May 11 2012

Depression No More?

I don’t know if it’s the exercise I’m starting to get again, seeing the JCRC kinda becoming devoid of conflicts or the GHB binge I had for the past few days, but I feel alright now.

Because I used to watch US sitcoms and not laugh anymore. At all. But recently everything seems funny. Which probably attributes to me a lot why I feel that my depression could be gone. For now.

Till next time, while I finish watching Community.

It sucks that I didn’t cherish things.

By admin • General • 0

Apr 27 2012

The 24 of 24

Everyone loves lists eh? Here’s one I wanted to do on my birthday but procrastinated.

8 Reflections

24. Life

I can safely say that the me at 16 years of age would not be proud of what I am today. I’m a victim of my own choices and there’s no one to blame. I was supposed to be almost graduated, happily in love, playing a lot of football and basically just leading a happy life.

Well, as Freddie Mercury once sang shortly before his death, “I feel like no one ever told the truth to me; About growing up and what a struggle it would be” , truer words have never been said.

 

23. Friends

Slowly but surely, you’ll lose people you once held dear, people you once forged strong friendships with. Friends drift apart, migrate, disappear or die. That’s life.

Having said that, seeing old friends is always a happy occasion. So do organise gatherings and stuff like that. It does wonders for one’s mood sometimes.

 

22. Death

Seeing a close friend pass away abruptly seemed surreal at first. Then it becomes a veritable fact of life. Life’s frailty is suddenly exposed.

So who’s gonna watch you die?

 

21. Politics

There’s no political system without its flaws, that’s for sure. Politics will always be a dirty game. “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.”

But the least you can do is to think and have your own opinions. There should be no fear towards whoever’s lording over you right now. They are the ones who should fear the us, the people.

The funny tragedy is that most people seem to have opinions, but not the balls to follow through with them. To these people, fuck you.

 

20. Drug Policies

If I were to truly expound my views on this, it’ll be a really long post. In short, we need information and truths, not scare tactics that we see here and now.

It’s all science and logic.

 

19. Love

I’ve been the jerk, I’ve been the loser, I’ve played many roles before.

As much as I hate to admit it, dating life while being a jerk was better somehow. But there’s no bringing yourself to becoming a jerk when you’re not one.

I’m still amazed how love trumps all logic. Fuck that..

 

18. Education

I still find the paper chase in Singapore ludicrous. It’s never a quest for true knowledge, but conformity and rote learning.

I’m really sick of studying now. But what can I do when I do not have the courage to go against a social norm?

For me the joy of learning is not having things forced down your throat, but to learn through one’s own innovation and interests, and from there discover ideologies and theories.

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” – Albert Einstein

 

17. Family

My parents are getting older, and it shows. I’m eternally grateful to them for raising me. And guilty that I’m probably not what they wanted me to be.

Brother’s enlisting this year. I’m gonna be so proud when he goes in (:

They’ll probably never read this, but I love them dearly. They’re the reason why I do not give up on life.

 

8 Highlights

16. Old Friendships Restored

Reconnected with a really cherished friend. Really did enjoy the times I managed to ask her out.

Hate myself for the blackouts (this post) that made it really awkward for me I guess. Alternatively, I’m just an idiot.

 

15. Cambodia

Went there for work which was a good experience by itself, but the highlight was when my friends flew over.

Let’s just say the scale of events that occurred could have been in “The Hangover”.

 

14. Ran For Office

Ran successfully for office for a place in my Hall’s 11th Junior Common Room Committee. Campaigning, giving speeches and everything was a great experience.

 

13. Fucked Up My Wrist

Fell on my wrist three times in a short span of time. Adrenaline’s such a pain-killer. It still hasn’t healed fully now.

 

12. Watched My First Musical

Wasn’t the best timing for me really, as school commitments caused me to reach late and miss half of the show. A great experience nonetheless. (:

 

11. IHG 11/12

Started out  strongly and led our charge for IHG success. Did not get the results we hoped for, but I’m still proud of everyone, truly. (:

 

10.  Seizures

Not sure why I would consider this a highlight, but that episode really changed me for the worse, emotionally and physically.

But I got to witness the selflessness of my Hall-mates. Thank you Kel Vin for stuffing your fingers in my mouth to prevent me from biting my tongue (yikes!) and Preet for the company to NUH.

I obviously don’t have photos of me having seizures so I’ll just put up a drunk photo of me haha!

 

09. Sepak Takraw

We had a great run in Sepak Takraw, of which was one epic match my regu won after being 17-11 down at one stage. We ended up winning 21-19 that game and it really speaks volumes about the fight spirit of Hall 12 (:

 

8 Hopes

8. Better Grades

I hope I somehow get motivated to study harder. It’s a chore, really. If it wasn’t social convention to get a degree I’d not even do it.

 

7. More Travelling

Money’s the big issue here. Hopefully I’ll be able to travel a bit during summer.

 

6. Getting Out Of Depression

Hmm.. Probably I’ll try to be more positive and shit? I don’t even know why I’m in such a rut right now. It just feels this way, and I can’t help it.

It’s a terrible feeling to be having constantly, so yup, it’s a hope of mine to be happy.

 

5. Injury Free

Self-explanatory.

 

4. Play More Football

Injuries have stopped me last year, so I hope I’ll get better and be able to play football on a more regular basis. It’s probably the thing that used to keep me away from feeling depressed.

 

3. Healthy Family

With my brother enlisting and parents getting older, it’s only natural to wish that they stay healthy!

 

2. Document My Life More

I’ve realised that there’s a lack of photographs or anything for the most part of my 23rd year alive, and it’s rather sad to struggle writing the 8 highlights due to a lack of photographs.

 

1. World Peace

Can’t a man dream?

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